I'm watching my future self unable to put into words what I'm feeling but I'll try.
I'm sad for my family, my husband first because I never wanted this for myself or for him. I never wanted to be a burden but I'm also grateful because I never wanted to move into a care home either. I'm sad for my kids because I wanted them to have a mom, not a mother but a mom, till the end. Someone to cry with, love with, dream with and laugh with. If I were my past self I would be an amazing grandmother to my 3 beautiful babies and the few I hope will come some day.
Listening to myself I don't know where the words are coming from. I don't know where the images are coming from and I don't know how to stop them.
